| New Journal |
[14 Dec 2006|03:54pm] |
New Journal! New Attitude?
Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you know lies. I don’t want to get too deep into it, but I was accused (privately) of being habitually negative and just a tich whiney. In reviewing the entries here, I had to concede that it was true, and that’s not the impression I want folks getting of me. It was also time to upgrade to the new SCC styles and go friends only so I figured what the heck.
The link is: http://tobias-cur.livejournal.com/
The journal is set for friends only, most of you should already be friended, but if I missed anyone drop me a line and I’d be happy to add you. At the new journal, I will attempt to keep a more even keel on my posts including some political links and fun tidbits. There will still be some editorials but I’m going to try – as in my real life – to strike a better balance between the positive and the negative.
Name Origin: Tobias is a very old (some might say ancient) family name. Cur as you know is an old English word for dog which could be negative, but I think of it this way, “if you kick the dog, he’s going to bite.”
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| What animals are these? |
[17 Nov 2006|05:57pm] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
] |
For the past day and a half there has been a pile of someone’s stuff on the easement in front of our apartment complex. Now, I’m not talking about a few boxes of clothes or even books, I’m talking about a U-haul truck sized load of stuff. Computer monitors, a bicycle, books, records, small furnishings, lamps, and a mountain of clothes. There are several operating theories for this; first is the psychotic-ex theory; followed quickly by the eviction theory. While I no longer doubt that there are places where the landlord will without remorse toss your shit out on the lawn if you don’t pay your rent, our apartment complex is the type to FINE it’s residents for littering, or storing more than patio furniture and a grill on their balcony, so I highly doubt they were the responsible for making any kind of a mess. Pack your stuff up in a truck and take it off to good will, maybe, but throw it out on the lawn definitely not. This leaves me with the idea that someone left in a hell of a hurry - and couldn’t get all their stuff into the van - or someone’s ex put their stuff out on the curb. While I find the ‘left in a hurry’ theory strangely comforting – at least the asshole responsible is gone – I find the psychotic-ex theory the most probable, and disturbing.
I don’t care what happened, how does anyone do that to another person? How does a human being, take another human beings belongings and toss them out on the lawn to be rained on and pillaged? Or, should I ask, how does a human being do that, and feel rightly justified. In short, how do they do it and not immediately check themselves into a mental health facility? I’m sorry but if you’re sneaking your ex-lover’s, or ex-roommate’s, or soon to be ex-spouse’s belongings out onto the lawn in the wee small hours of the morning, you have to know there is something wrong with you!
Beyond the outrage and disgust I feel for the person who littered our property, how does anyone, seeing this occur, not report the person? How do groups of people drive by, stop their cars, get out and scavenge from the mess. Yes, you read that right, there were several people out there picking through the stuff. What the fuck? Are we vultures now?
The strangest reaction I’ve had to this incident is not just anger at someone I’ve never met, and never want to, but sadness and fear. I was seriously worried I would get accidentally shot or otherwise attacked when the ousted ex came back to collect their things. (Because, statistics prove, where there is one psycho-ex there is usually two.) This fear is all the more unreal because this is a ‘nice’ neighborhood, or at least used to be.
When I got home today, I saw the maintenance crew from the complex beginning to clean up. Being the kind of person who offers a helping hand before he’s thought about it, I offered to help. I was told in these exact words that, “they could not allow me to help with the clean up for legal and safety reasons.” Then I was thanked for offering, and told that most of the people who have bothered to stop only wanted to know what happened, or if they could look through the stuff before they took it away.
So, today I feel like the world is a little less nice to live in, and I am seriously beginning to worry about what kind of animals we (as a society) are allowing ourselves to become.
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| Hard Drive Hell. |
[10 Nov 2006|05:18pm] |
Well, I did it! I resurrected my poor computer from the depths of out-of-dated-ness; I got and installed a new hard drive. The process did not go with out hindrance, in fact, it did not go well at all.
First of all, I was cocky, I mean, teenagers build their own systems all the time right? I can handle installing a new hard drive. HEH! I started by backing up all my documents to an external hard drive, because I was cocky not stupid, then I cracked open the box, the hard drive box not the computer. Inside I found clear instructions and a CD to help me through the process of first installing my new hard drive, getting the BIOS to recognize it as a hard drive, and then swapping it out as the master or main hard drive for my computer. I followed the instructions explicitly, all went well, including the hour or so when the installation software copied the contents of my old hard drive to the new one, then I swapped the master and slave switches – and they say computer guys aren’t kinky – put the hard drives in their appropriate bays, replaced the cover and rebooted the machine.
Then there was nothing; definitively nothing. My bios could not see the new hard drive, nor could it see the old hard drive.
“Uncle” I said, this I might add was now four am on a Saturday with my parents due to arrive Sunday morning. So I had a good two days to ponder my predicament, and pray for blue screen of death because at least I know what to do from there. Then I spent another full day diddling with switches and hard drives, the BIOS and drivers, before I finally decided to do exactly as I would have done if I had never read the freakin’ directions in the first place. I turned off the computer, opened the case, unhooked both hard drives, then booted the computer from the driver CD – which immediately loaded a primer to the BIOS then told me to turn the computer off and hook up the Seagate (new) hard drive. I did so, and poof I had a hard drive again.
*bangs head on desk really, really hard*
Another full day of loading software – and updating it – and I have a working computer that is actually faster than it had been. I discovered in the process that my old drive was 5400rpm and the new one is 7200rpm numbers I never even considered until a nice man (my partner) asked me how fast my old hard drive was, and I had to go hunting for the Dell invoice from four years ago.
So, I have a 120gig hard drive now, a sreamin’ fast (comparatively) 120Seagate Barracuda with 8MBCache, and I’m just a little bit pleased with myself for not taking a sledgehammer to the whole works.
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| Traveling... |
[02 Oct 2006|02:22pm] |
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mood |
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 nervous |
] |
So…today I’m a nervous wreck because I’m getting on a train to have a 9 day adventure. Why am I a wreck? I have no freakin’ idea. BUT I am, and I hoped writing about it would help pass the time before I board the train.
I’m traveling to Savannah, GA by train, and then driving to a resort near Buford, SC where the event I’m working is going to take place. I barely know what I’ll be walking into but then that isn’t exactly a new situation. Luckily I know the guy I’m going to assist very well, and he’s given me a heads up, but I still haven’t seen the book, and until I see the book I can’t really get an event into my head.
Meanwhile, I’ll be on the train for the better part of a day and half to two days, with delays, really it’s no worse than driving, and while I’m assured that flying is safe, it was vastly more expensive to fly. All this means is I should have a ton of time to write, provided I’m not so bloody distracted I can’t think.
To that end, I think I’ll be taking another Ativan before I board the train…it will either enable me to think, or knock me out…and I’m not sure I’m real particular which it does.
Wish me luck!
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[28 Sep 2006|10:51pm] |
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mood |
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 excited |
] |
I’m on a kitten break. We picked up Shazah this afternoon. Here’s a pic:
Isn't she cute?
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| We're Expecting... |
[25 Sep 2006|11:41am] |
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mood |
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excited |
] |
I LOVE the new coffee pot that my Mommy bought for me during their most recent visit. It has a thermal carafe, no fancy dials or clocks, and it makes coffee in eight minutes, warms the carafe and then turns itself off! The stainless decanter keeps the coffee steamy and hot for six hours. It’s just…a beautiful thing. It’s also the same brand, and makes a very similar tasting cup of coffee to the beloved BRAUN that stopped working earlier this year. For folks that like a strong cup of ‘not bitter’ coffee I highly recommend the cone style filter of the BRAUN coffee maker.
In other even more exciting news…Tarc and I are…expecting. (insert cheesy grin) We went and adopted a kitten yesterday. Some of the paper work is still pending, but basically the Humane Society called today and said she’s ours. Her name is “Shazah,” though some disturbed soul wrote “Linny” on her name tag at the PetSmart adoption center.
Linny…**twitch** It’s just so…wrong.
Shazah is a Siamese/Tabby mix, mostly she looks like a Grey-point Siamese. She is almost pure white with grey ears and tail, and the most intense blue eyes; thus, the exotic name. We pick her up on Thursday, but today I need to shop around for some kitten supplies etc and go ask the folks at Banfield about health insurance for her, which, I think is $11.95 a month and covers all her shots, check ups, and common blood work.
We weren’t planning on getting another kitten after our old cat left us, but, we both couldn’t resist, and I have no other way to put this than “she’s our cat” and be both knew it when we saw her. Shazah can’t take over the memory of Shadow, but she will help to fill the void she left behind. And; Alex will have someone to mother again, which will make our eldest cat happy and keep her and Chelsea active.
I’m so excited I could pee.
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| Sunday Update |
[17 Sep 2006|12:32pm] |
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mood |
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 accomplished |
] |
Over the past couple weeks I have somewhat slipped from my Domestic God perch. This is an attempt to reclaim the throne.
Yesterday (and Friday too) I spent cleaning. The kitchen was…well if a health inspector had been round, it would have been condemned. With the loss of our smallest kitty, and all the painting/redecorating I’ve been doing I just couldn’t be buggered and it showed. The dishes are all tucked away in their cupboards and I have a work surface and floor that Mr. Clean could be proud of. I also baked and made dinner in the process and as all of you know, that meant more dishes, but I obsess about dishes I washed, when I should be talking about the dishes I made. ( Read more... )
I have to mention, it IS Domestic GOD, thank-you-very-much. I haven’t surrendered my penis to anyone. ( Read more... )
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| Death of a Feline Friend. |
[11 Sep 2006|10:09am] |
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mood |
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 sad |
] |
WARNING: Sad news about a pet, if this disturbs you, flip to the next entry on your friends page.
To begin with, I haven’t slept very much this weekend at all. Saturday night I was basically awake until dawn and then back up at 11am, and last night it was 3am to 7:30am. I feel as if there are literally a set of matched luggage under my eyes and ‘oh look, there is.’ There is unfortunately reason for my madness, which I’ll unfold after this thing here >>>> ( Read more... )
I was going to report on my health and the back problems I’ve been having, but it seems fairly inconsequential now. I pulled a hamstring approximately two weeks ago, which I’m told by the Doctor was setting my pelvic bone (and my spine) out of whack, and putting pressure on my hip joint. I’ve had my hip reset twice and a shot of cortisone, I’ve also been on some pretty heavy duty pain medicine and muscle relaxants. Thus far I am improving, SLOWLY, but then I’m thirty-seven and can’t expect to heal like I did ten years ago. Also after the abuse I put my body through, dancing and marching in Drum Corps when I was young, I have to expect that I’ve done the kind of damage that catches up to you. Either way, I’m on the mend.
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| RANTING! |
[05 Sep 2006|11:56pm] |
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mood |
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 aggravated |
] |
There are times when I swear I’m ready to put a sledge hammer through the television screen, these are usually when Big Brother is on, however I have found a new show to hate. Survivor The producers, or whoever was responsible for their recent decision to divide the Tribes by race, should be hung up by their privates and left to die in a public square! Now that’s a show I’d watch! I cannot believe how utterly and disgustingly low they have sunk, and for what? Ratings. Yes, lets set racial stereotypes and segregation back a few hundred years just to make a little more money.
Here’s a reality show twist I could get behind, select twelve monkeys to do your fucking job and throw you in their cages where you belong…you useless excuse for human beings! Or better yet, give twelve contestants a cushy chair and air conditioned office while you get off your useless, over fed, inflated ego (ass), and actually do something to earn those millions! How ‘bout we have you sign an iron clad waver, and send you off into the jungle, and allow past contestants to decide your fate. Now that would be interesting! And hey, lets make your loved one’s call in to keep you alive, and the one who doesn’t get enough calls, gets voted OFF THE PLANET FOREVER! That would be fun! Good for the kids! Family entertainment at it’s finest!
CBS Evening News, just joined the line up of people who deserve to go up against the wall when the revolution comes, with this sound bite: “Steve Irwin, see his last tragic moments of video.” OH MY GOD! A man died, do we have to fucking capitalize on the tragedy so blatantly? Really, it makes me sick to my stomach! I don’t care if he was famous, his kids didn’t sign away their right to morn in private! Nor did his wife! So I guess I just scratched them off the list of stations to watch EVER AGAIN!
I believe the line goes: “Have you no decency, Sir. At long last, have you no sense of decency?”
Have we the viewers lost all sense of what is right and wrong and are we going to continue to have this disgusting display of avarice and greed shoved down our throats? OR are we going to demand that television be responsible for it’s actions! What happened to that? Where the big three stations were actually concerned about content and responsibility to the public and the good of all?
Now all they seem to care about is if a twelve year old sees a nipple or if two faggots “god forbid” kiss each other…but hey disgusting shows of avarice, greed, lying, stealing, capitalizing on tragedy…it’s all good!
**HEAD**
**DESK**
**REPEAT**
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| Twenty-One Days |
[22 Aug 2006|09:11am] |
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mood |
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accomplished |
] |
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music |
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Ramalama (Bang Bang) |
] |
I don’t like to Polly Anna things – this not smoking thing is tough. Last night was our last group session and I received a Certificate of Achievement “In recognition of outstanding perseverance and patience in working toward a smoke-free life.”
I am waiting still for the day when I just ‘don’t think about it’ like some of the folks in group *claimed* they were experiencing. Yes, I put claimed in those funky little pay attention to me things because I’m not sure I entirely believe them. To be honest, there are times I want one, I want one real bad, but I don’t and it passes. It’s been twenty-one days since I smoked, which believe me is an achievement but I still feel as though I’m taking it one day at a time, and sometimes it’s a matter of verbalizing that A: I’m having a craving and B: I’m not going to do that right now. Then I go do something else.
Is my writing still suffering? A bit, when I have focus, it’s limited, but then again, it was always limited by the need to stop and go out for a cigarette so it’s hard for me to put any real perspective on that, other than to acknowledge that I haven’t been as dedicated to the RPG as I had been in the past. AND then again, maybe that’s a good thing too.
I have been working on a testimonial piece: ( Read more... )
So, that’s where I’m at.
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[15 Aug 2006|01:56pm] |
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mood |
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 bored |
] |
I was beginning to think it was just me, but it looks as thought Invisionfree is down or at least our server Z14 is down. I wonder if it needs cheering up, or antidepressants? What would be the electronic equivalent of an antidepressant? Or maybe they’ll just lobotomize the sucker and reboot. Ar ar ar ar ar ar ar...
“God I’m bored.” *head desk*
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| Not Smoking RPG |
[14 Aug 2006|12:58pm] |
Group meets tonight for more relapse prevention information. The group is shrinking as people fall off the wagon, which is both disheartening, and being a competitive person, also encouraging. Yes, I am that shallow that it feels good to know I made it two weeks when someone else did not…mostly it feels good to know I’ve made it this far, and at times I am still slightly amazed I quit at all. There is no prize at the end for the winners, well, not a cash reward anyway. **wink** There are lots of benefits like, not being totally winded when I make it up the stairs to our apartment, or getting kissed any old time I feel like it, or not continuing to be dependent on something that the people around me find repugnant. There’s the whole, not dying a horrible death thing too, but that’s not guaranteed…
I owe, I owe, I owe…
Piotr to Betsy/Sean/Bishop
Scott to Aviary/Warren/JP? – better check
Bobby to Marco
And probably a bit of a longer LJ opinion thing coming up soon. Something I’m calling “Phat doesn’t stop the Fat.”
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| Heaven...I'm in Heaven...Or I will be. |
[08 Aug 2006|05:41pm] |
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mood |
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 ecstatic |
] |
It's meant to go down to 54F tonight; that's 12C! After almost six weeks of 85-95F (29-35C)I think I may just have to go for a midnight walk and enjoy getting a bit of a chill.
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| Smoking Cessation. |
[07 Aug 2006|03:20pm] |
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mood |
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accomplished |
] |
I’m actually quite amazed with myself, I didn’t honestly think I could do it, but I’ve been smoke free for a week.
There are times when I am VERY tempted of course, but they are fewer and farther between. There are some facts I need to remind myself of from time to time, and that I wanted to share with any of you who are interested. ( Read more... )
The biggest thing I’ve learned this week, I learned with XT’s assistance – though he probably didn’t know it at the time. Smoking has always played a part in the process of writing for me, either to get motivated, or to step away from a piece of work. I will need to re-learn or replace this behavior in the process. Most importantly, I need to find other ways that enable me to step away from a piece of fiction and to percolate if that’s the phrase. (Meaning step away and think about it for a while, prepare myself to go back at it) I have been white knuckling this, and trying to force myself to stay put and focus, the natural response to which was a complete lack of focus or patience, and the results were ‘forced.’ I also need to learn to give myself permission to play again, and to experiment. Being a competitive person, I think most writers are, I have gotten very keyed up about results – as is my flaw – and not allowed time for the process.
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| NOT HAPPY! |
[06 Aug 2006|11:07pm] |
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mood |
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 frustrated |
] |
I am frustrated in the extreme. I cannot seem to focus on any written work. There is no flow.
Of course most folks are so bloody sick of hearing me whine about how much I suck as a writer that I’ve managed to alienate anyone who did care, and just when – thanks to my decision to quit smoking – I could really use some helpful advice on writing without being under the influence.
I quit smoking so I could stay home and write. Now that I’ve do so, I am finding I can’t write. I KNOW deep down that cigarette’s don’t control my creative process, and that I am better off without them, still, when I sit down to write, I find that something (the cigarettes) is completely lacking. I sit frozen like an idiot, writing is short incoherent sentences, and repeating myself ad-nausea until some how I manage to eek out a point, or, at least I hope I do. Though most often, I feel that it’s literally a waste of my, and the readers time.
And…that was it. That’s all I’ve got. I can’t even fucking concentrate long enough to write two hundred words without having to get up and walk away.
To hell with the dead coffee pot, this ‘really’ sucks donkey balls.
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| Death of a Trusted Friend. |
[06 Aug 2006|10:31am] |
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mood |
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grief stricken |
] |
Dearly Beloved;
We gather here, to pay a regards to an old and dear friend, who has served his time on the planet well…
“MY COFFEE POT DIED!!!” **balls his eyes out**
My old BRAUN Coffee pot that I thought I was going to have to ‘will’ to one of my nephews died this morning after making one…last…pot. **final gasp** We have had this coffee pot…longer than I’ve been RPing, in fact, I purchased it 12 or 13 years ago. Unfortunately since the appropriate replacement is now about $100, I think I’ll be hobbling along without, or finding a cheaper option.
So…everyone pray that they put a BUNN brand on sale next month.
**sigh** This sucks giant sized donkey balls.
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| Art Fairs |
[22 Jul 2006|08:44am] |
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mood |
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 agrivated and amused |
] |
I was a little concerned when I mentioned, casually, to a long time resident of the area, that this year would be my first year living in the city during ‘The Art Fairs’ (the ‘s’ is correct) and the only response it garnered was, “Good luck!” accompanied by a sage shake of his head.
The Ann Arbor Art Fairs – consisting of The Ann Arbor Street Art Fair (The Original); The State Street Area Art Fair; South University Art Fair; and the penultimate week of The Ann Arbor Summer Art Fair; is the largest outdoor art event in the nation. The first three only run for a week, the later runs for most of the summer and is largely theater, music, and media. The Art Fairs are nearly a fifty year old tradition in this city, encompassing more that 1,200 prominent and emerging artists, not including the actors, musicians, stage craft personnel, as well as, any number of artists and artisans already working in the area year round. In short, it’s just frickin’ HUGE!
The entire city, from utility boxes, fire hydrants, to lamp posts gets a sprucing up, and if needed, a fresh coat of paint. In the case of the fire hydrants and utility boxes, these too become works of art, painted by local emerging artists. Yes,it is kind of an Ann Arbor thing to walk down the street and say, "that electrical box is really cool, I wonder who painted it. How lovely." These are good things for the city, for employment, and for art in general. Great things indeed.
Now we get to the part of this little diatribe where I gleam understanding from the comment ‘Good luck.’ ( Read more... )
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| AAAAAAAHHHHHH! AAAAHHHH! AAAHHH! |
[21 Jul 2006|01:48am] |
| [ |
mood |
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Irate - there aren't words |
] |
I am so pissed at myself right now I could seriously bludgeon myself in my sleep. Nine hundred words…NINE HUNDRED FREAKING WORDS! And, I like them! I was working on challenge story, things were purring along…did I even stop or even think to save the bitch? NO! Then poof, some kind of C++ file goes wonky on Internet Explorer. I think, no big, I’ll just shut it down. I have to reboot, no big I’ll just reboot. I go to save my nine hundred words and, I get an error message I’ve never seen before. File corrupt, cannot save in this format…my computer freezes and poof…Nine hundred words GONE! Fuck, fuckety, fuck!
It took an hour of sitting alone in the room to stop from shaking.
I guess tomorrow, I’ll try to reconstruct the thing, but ya know, it’s never the same the second time around.
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| Challenge Me! |
[20 Jul 2006|03:58pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 ..or trying to be. |
] |
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music |
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I'm crap at names - something dancy trancy... |
] |
OK F-list peoples. I seem to be hitting beau-coup road blocks with on-going fiction pieces. So…to get my butt moving, and to give myself some deadlines, I’m opening the floor to you.
I’ll accept the first ten challenges:
Stories that can be told in 500 – 1000 words (possibly more)
X-Men – no crossover’s please
I usually write, Piotr, Bobby, Scott, Shinobi Shaw, in various slash pairings.
Have dabbled with Logan, Warren, Julio, Emma
Would like to play with Kitty, Rogue, Storm
**Any other inspirational artwork or picture will also be accepted.**
Stories need not be romantic or sexual, and requests are not limited to one per customer.
Ok. Go!
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| More on Nature |
[16 Jul 2006|01:40pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 curious |
] |
Finches
Hmm, I’ve never seen a bird pant before…( Read more... )
Dragonflies
I think I mentioned before that I’ve had regular visits from a large Dragonfly on the patio screen near my desk; well…( Read more... )
Dragonflies symbolize, dreams, enlightenment, change, illusion, and the realization of truth.
“Dude! That is so cool.”
They are very good omens, and good luck charms!
“I think I have a new obsession.”
And speaking of Omens, there is currently a HUGE bumble bee that keeps flying itself at the screen. I am allergic to bees so I’m more than a little nervous, but according to what I just read “Bees are bearers of goodwill. A symbol of virginity.”
“Virginity? Hmm…No wonder he can’t get in.”
What I find most remarkable about all of this, is that I live in a cosmopolitan if not metropolitan area. We may be surrounded by farms, but we are in fact a thriving city. Nature is a funny thing.
And in other news…
Another fool workout last night. There have been a couple since the last time I whined about being sore in which I didn’t actually overdo it…Everything was warm yesterday, it felt really good to tax my muscles, and kind of good to sweat from effort, rather than just the act of breathing.
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